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Webbed Street
Spiders. Unlike most people, I find them... interesting. I live in a quiet neighborhood, filled with odd, yet also quiet people. Just call me Jeff, the nickname everyone calls me. I don't want anyone looking me up on google and finding something embarassing to blackmail me with. Nearby my neighborhood, there are a bunch of Condos. I used to live there when I was younger, but it certainally hasn't aged well. Most of the condo's are abandoned, and only people who are broke or even homeless live there. I often walk by them to get to In'n'out every once in a while, its a long walk however. But enough about all of this crap, let me just talk about, well, my story. One Saturday afternoon, about a couple months ago, I was walking past these condos, next to the fence that has small spikes on the top of each one. After a couple minutes, I noticed that some of them were broken off. Forcefully, actually. Like, something just sliced them off with ease. quite a few spider webs littered these non-spiked fences, and soon, there were no spikes on them at all. Im surprised I never noticed this, but there were millons of spiders. Ranging from common ones to rather dangerous ones, such as black widows. I was amazed by this, actually. Most people would have grabbed a lighter and lit the bastards on fire, but I just looked in awe. The condo's around here were completely abandoned, and probabaly had a million spiders in each one. I continued walking, until I noticed a pile of spikes in some sort of white, silky bag. When I bent down to study it, a spider about the size of my damn palm skittered out of it and hissed at me like an upset cat. I stepped back. "What the fuck..." I mumbled to myself, as I walked around it. After that, I decided to call this, well, 'street' Webbed street. I visited it often, and I even bought crickets from the pet store every now and then to feed the spiders. I stayed away from that damn huge one, though. After a week or two doing this, I decided to explore the condos. Hey, might as well see if I could find some cool stuff. I walked in through a very rusty, unlocked door, and began to explore. And what do you know, fucking spiders everywhere. Even the pool, like a blanket, was littered with dead plants, and spider webs. After going in and out of a couple of spider ridden condos, I didn't have any luck finding anything, other than broken TV's, lamps, and mirrors. Before I gave up, I noticed a condo that... was actually clean. No dead leaves on it, repainted, but still had a million spider webs on it. Maybe this condo was taken? Letting curiousity kill the cat, I knocked on the door. It slowly creaked open. "Hello? Anyone around?" No reply. I shrugged and walked in, looking around. Looked pretty dirty like the others, but it smelled horrible in there. Maybe this was just one of the newest ones built back then. I took out my phone to use as a flashlight and looked around. Potato chip bags littered the place. "Jeez, some fatty must of lived here." My voice echoed throughout the room, as I headed towards the bedroom, I saw a HUGE spiderweb, and a large clump of silk in it. Like, the size of a human body. I picked up a plank on the ground and poked at it. I gave a manly scream as it slowly ripped open, revealing a ripcage, and a skull hit the ground with a sickening 'CLACK'. I immedatey got the fuck out of there... or at least tried to. The door was covered and forced shut with silk, very strong too. I thought spiders needed at least an hour to make webs. The ground suddenly began to shake, and I turned around and screamed. A huge ass spider, bigger than me (Im 5'9, by the way.) It towered over me, as its single, red eye stared directly into my soul. I suddenly heard a distgusting, gurgling chuckle, as I pointed my phone to its back, my face went pale. It was... a kid. He was disgustingly fat, with pale blue skin. I couldn't see his eyes, because his pale blonde hair was covering it. He was wearing a black tie, with a suit that had marroon and black stripes. My back pressed agaisnt the wall, as a disturbingly wide smile covered his face. "Hi. Im Pokey. iM JUST A MEEK LITTLE BOY..." He pushed a lever, and tried to impale me with one of the Spider-mech's legs. I quickly moved out of the way, and took a picture of the fucker. The kid gave an inhuman snarl and tried again, and I quickly grabbed a broken chair and threw it at him. It had no effect. Fuck. I ran towards the silk covered door, as I was slapped to the side with one of the legs. A cut formed on my stomach as it bled, as I held back tears. I was going to die here. The boy cackled and tried to tear into me, but I held my stomach and ran out of the way. I began to head towards the door again. One of the Mech's legs smashed the door open, as I ran out. Thank god he didn't chase after me. I called 911 imedately and fainted. I found myself at a hospital. I was asked what happened. No fucking way was I telling them a crazy story, and my phone was broken. So I told them some drunk hobo had a knife and attacked. Im scared. Im shaking as Im typing this. He's watching me. I keep all of my doors locked, and I bought a guard dog. But I'll never be safe from that fat fuck. Category:Pasta Trying To Be Good When It Sucks Enough To Be A Troll Category:WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT